My Talk for Keren's US Speaking Tour

Negev is my third son. He signed up for the Golani brigade to become a warrior for his people.  These guys know the risks, although in the beginning they don’t know what war is.  They don’t understand how death, bodies and all the traumas of war will affect them.  They’re 18 years old, they’re full of love for their people and tons of energy and they are willing to risk life and limb to keep us safe.  So although they enter war unable to comprehend the complexities of the psyche, they are already entrenched when reality hits. 

Before Negev went   in, I looked at the endless wars as a political game, which it is, on the outside. But after seeing and hearing and then experiencing my son’s death, I have come to see a different side to everything.   

Our soldiers are not fighting for our political leaders, their agendas, their power policies (although that’s what the government thinks it’s all about).   Our boys (and girls) are fighting for Hashem’s army.  They fight with their entire heart open.  It comes from love, their dedication, and their compassion .  Their entire being  runs on a different energy source.  You can see this because they continue to pour their hearts into their jobs , despite being fed crappy canned food and really bad living conditions in Gaza and Lebanon.  They are the holiest of the holy.  

 Who can explain their sacrifice, their unending dedication, their return to battle after every friend and fellow soldier who falls?   Even when it happens on a daily basis all around them and even in their arms:    Their love and dedication to their soldiers around them carries them to the next mission and the next.   They don’t grow weary as they should, even though they have very few breaks and are constantly in war and survival mode. They are carried on the wings of eagles.   

Their energy is boundless and yet when the dust settles, trauma is waiting in the wings. It creeps in and settles in their bones.  They carry so much weight on their shoulders. Yet they are always ready to take on more.   Nothing ever seems to be too much to bear, until the trauma rears it’s ugly head.  It’s a symptom of their sacrifices and of their relentless willingness to protect and serve. 

Negev  saw his share of friends dying and being blown up in front of him, but like the other soldiers, he took it all in and it became part of who he was.   If he had lived longer, he would also be carrying trauma with him.   When talking about Negev, I like to use the Garth Brookes line, “he had an angel’s heart and a devil’s hand”.   If feel that it describes much of who Negev was.  He was very pure of heart. He cared about his friends and family above and beyond a typical 20 year old.  He dedicated himself to all of us and was always the one everyone could count on at any hour of the day or night.   

He found your heart and locked in on it and lifted you up and gave 1000% of himself to each person and could meet anyone eye to eye and  have a deep conversation.  Then he could turn to his friends and raise  a little hell.    

Negev lived by his own rules which were steeped in knowing the difference between right and wrong.  He loved to get in there and party hard , while always keeping an eye on the limits.  He would push the boundary right to the edge and yet he knew when to stop. His friend’s  moms put their sons in his hands, because they knew they could trust him.  He was a lover, although from the outside he looked and acted like a fighter.  He knew who our enemies are and was not afraid to strike and to do his job without qualms.  Like Josh, he was put on earth to complete a mission, to protect and to serve.  I have written all about Negev’s incredible life and sacrifice in “The Shiva”,  my first blog that I wrote about my experience with Negev’s death and the week following.   So I won’t take up too much time right now, please look that up , read and share.   

I met Keren about 2 months before Negev died. We met through our mutual friend Amy (which is an interesting story in and of itself) I got to know Josh through Keren’s stoires  and her love of him.  In our short time together we became close.  Then Negev , another Golani soldier, was killed and our bond was sealed.  In one sentence, Keren, Amy and I became family. True sisters. Who else can fathom the pain of losing a soldier , except those who have? 

So our bond runs deep and our understanding exists on a different plain. What we once understood as “sense” has shifted. Now our sense of “sense” no longer aligns with what once was.  Nothing seems to make sense anymore, and yet we now exist in this new idea of sense that makes no sense.  Does that make sense????  When parents are burying their children in the middle of endless wars,   We have no choice but to step into the chaos and accept our new reality.       

We have experienced many communications from the other side of the veil.   Once we recognize the signs you can’t unsee them.  The little nudges from our loved ones who want to show us they are still here, just beyond our vision.   Knowing that they are so close, makes it a tiny bit bearable. They can reach out when needed and we don’t have to feel so alone without their physical presence.. 

But the pain is here.  It never leaves although it comes in various forms.Most of the time,  nausea.  Sometimes the overwhelm takes over and I find myself crying and hyperventalating on the floor. But it always feels like I have lost a limb or an organ. I am no longer whole. An integral piece is missing.  So I move slower and I have to relearn how to function without that piece. 

My other 5 children range in age from 26 to 12.  How is a 12 year old supposed to understand his brother’s death?  Will he still remember him when he gets married? Will his mimories of his older brother fade in a short time , replaced by his adventures through his teenage years?  These are my fears.  That our memories will fade.  So I have been blogging and creating albums to try to document Negev’s life. I  have also organized a monthly get together at our place dedicated to Negev. We share stories, pictures, songs, hugs, videos and Negev’s favorite foods and just dedicate one night to Negev and those who loved him. 

This evening for Negev is also an opportunity for the moms of Negev’s friends and fellow soldiers to hang out and get to know each other as well.  Why is this significant?  Because as moms of soldiers, we have our own aging process that is a result of worrying and sleepless nights,  We hardly see our sons because they rarely have a break from their army duties, they are usually without phones and/or reception and there are mews reports every day of more soldiers killled.  Our soldiers are our sons, it doesn’t matter who the birth mom is. We all feel a mother’s loss and our boys are losing their best friends daily.   So it is a collective grief that we all live with constantly.  This evening together gives us an opportunity to sit together and just be present for one another. We are in a category all our own. When we come together , the tears flow easily as we sit and watch our sons/soldiers relaxing next to the bonfire telling stories of my son, Negev.  It is a healing evening on many levels. 

When I first met Keren, she told me all about her vision of her ranch that she was working on. I was blown away by her unwavering plan on what it was going to be and how it would function.    I couldn’t wait to join her team. Anything that can bring peace to these guys who sacrifice everything for their nation, is worth it’s weight in gold.  There are a few farms around Israel who welcome people to come and take care of animals, including my own.  But Keren’s ranch, Josh Boone’s ranch is on another level entirely. Her’s is dedicated solely to the soldier’s mental health. Keren’s vision has plans to heal them where it matters the most so that they can reenter society and their lives with confidence and internal peace. They need to know that they matter even though they are no longer in war. Their contribution to society matters just as much as it did on the battlefield.   

As Keren knows, being engaged to Josh, and as moms of soldiers , we see first hand how they suffer internally.  They are the heros, they are  warriors and they are our sons.  They are the best of the best and they deserve to live a  meaningful life surrounded by a supportive staff and community.   

So I came here to introduce you to Negev as well as all of our soldier. To help you understand life as an Israeli , while our men are at war, as well as open your eyes and hearts to the tragedies that are happening in our neck of the woods. 

Israel is the land of the dvash and the oketz. The honey and the sting.  Our lives are built on both the tragedies and the miracles. They tend to go hand in hand. We don’t have one without the other.  Our job is to be open to receive both.  To understand that the honey tastes sweeter when we understand the consequences of the stinger.  We have to appreciate the tragic beauty of both. The blessings and the curses are really just two sides of the same coin.  In Israel we live with both simultaneously. 

 Every day brings us closer to Mashiach’s arrival when the veil will be lifted and we will be reunited with our loved ones.  With our heros, with Hashem’s MVP’s, the tzaddikim who were recruited to fight Hashem’s holy war. He needs his best fighters up there with him. The one’s specifically chosen for their pure heart whom He can count on beyond anyone else, like they were when they were here.  But when it’s time, hopefully soon, we will hug our sons and daughters, fiances, husbands, brothers, friends, and uncles again.  We pray it will be soon and in our time. 

I have written many blogs , both in English and in Hebrew on Negev, our soldiers, life in Israel and more.. If you’d like to read them, share them and spread the work of Keren’s mission for the Josh Boone Ranch and my son Negev, please check them out.  As well as my interviews and podcasts  all of which you can find on my website nettlesandpins.com 

Thank you for your time and for letting me talk about Negev and our incredible soliders.